“Somehow, chaos became my natural habitat.”

I was raised to value order. Even now I follow the usual mantra:“Clean up in the morning — then work in peace.”

But it doesn’t work that way with thoughts.

I can’t vacuum the mind, sort everything onto tidy shelves,wipe metaphorical dust,and calmly sit down at some inner desk to create.

I’m a one-woman orchestra.From one theme to another.From idea — to idea.From project to project.I want one thing now — and something entirely different a minute later.

Maybe that’s why I invented this little art challenge.It’s both therapy and a game.A space where I practice being imperfect.And that, honestly, is the hardest part.

My whole life I was told how I “should” be.Tidy. Structured. Disciplined.Of course, that turned into an inner warden.Inherited, I guess.

And that’s where the struggle lives.Because even the simplest action triggers inner criticism,shame, guilt —for being “not enough.”

Life is a series of challenges.And here’s one of mine:not to abandon something just because it seems silly.

Projects are like kittens.They look at you with those pleading eyes,meowing to be taken along.

How can I throw them away?

So I feed them.Even fear.But the right food — vitamins.I hope it’ll grow up into confidence.Like they say: “You’ll grow out of it.”Well… I hope fear will too.When it's ready.

For now, I’ll just play these imperfect gameswith my fear-kitten.

Maybe something will come of it.Actually — something already has.

After a stream of spontaneous collages,a real idea arrived.Not just a thought — but a challenge.A big project.With many people involved (even if they don’t know it yet).

I sobered up a little — from fear.It still holds me gently by the shoulders.So I’ve taken a pause.Letting myself be afraid for a little while longer.

I take these pauses often.But I hope to finish it someday.It’s good.Even for me.

And for now — here are just a few playful pages from my folder:“365.”